Today was the day I resigned from my job. It was both an easy, yet very difficult decision to make. Easy because it was obvious that I needed to be home with my mom more than I had anticipated and difficult because I really loved my job.
One thing I am learning about the elderly is that the days are unpredictable. One day my mom is completely independent and we may even go out for lunch. Another day, she can't seem to get dressed until afternoon and the entire day is a struggle. There is no way for me to know what kind of day it will be when I wake up. In light of that, I can't be a dependable employee and show up for work every morning.
It was selfish for me to hold onto that job with white knuckles like I was. Once I realized my selfishness was the reason I couldn't let go, I let go. The weight of the decision fell away and I felt lighter after it was done. I still mourn over the loss, though. It's like a child having to hand over her favorite doll for someone less fortunate to play with and keep. The child knows it's the right thing to do, but it still hurts.
I'm anxious about being housebound. While I love our home and our property and garden, winter will inevitably come. Whatever will we do with all the hours in a day? Will I find contentment or restlessness? Once again, I turn to this devotional by John Piper:
“I can do all things” really means “all things,” not just easy things. “All things” means, “Through Christ I can hunger and suffer and be in want.” This puts the stunning promise of Phillipians 4:19 in its proper light: “My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
What does “every need of yours” mean in view of Philippians 4:19? It means “all that you need for God-glorifying contentment.” Paul’s love for the Philippians flowed from his contentment in God, and his contentment flowed from his faith in the future grace of God’s infallible provision.
It’s obvious then that covetousness is exactly the opposite of faith. It’s the loss of contentment in Christ so that we start to crave other things to satisfy the longings of our hearts. And there’s no mistaking that the battle against covetousness is a battle against unbelief and a battle for faith in future grace.