Friday, July 10, 2015

My Week in the Movies

     It has been one of the oddest weeks that I can recall. I'm calling it "My Week In the Movies". One minute I could swear I was in the Twilight Zone and the next, I'm in a Jerry Lewis flick. It all began when I confidently strolled into my hairdresser's salon on Wednesday for my regular appointment. I sat down to wait my turn, all happy that I made it there and that my crazy hair was going to be tamed. But, it was not to be. It turned out my appointment was the day before and I missed it. My shock and disappointment must have been written all over my face. I have never done such a thing before! I was honestly on the verge of tears. Not for my haircut that wasn't going to happen, but for the fact that I was losing my mind. I was worried that this might be my new normal... I rescheduled for next week. I'm so confused...
     Yesterday our land line was acting up, so I called Lumos to schedule a repair. They came out when we were not home and they left a ticket on the door stating that everything appeared to be working. We discovered the problems were not fixed after all. Steve called the number on the ticket and the Customer Service lady told him they had no phone account for us. We were nowhere in their system. She was so sure of herself that we were doubting whether we had our phone number of thirteen years correct. Crazy! I went to my files to look up our account number in order to prove that we did indeed have an account and I could not, for the life of me, find the Lumos folder. This was either an unbelievable joke or I was living in The Twilight Zone. The Customer Service lady could not help us, so we hung up with her and called our local Lumos office. They found our account with no trouble. I was relieved to know I had some sanity left because I was becoming a doubter.
     Just to keep us in the land where nothing makes sense, try looking at the Netflix website. The pictures now bubble out at you and everything on the screen is constantly moving unless you hold your curser perfectly still. No, it's not an LSD trip, it's the new and improved Netflix website! Where movie bio's are pithy and cute and you don't need drugs to confuse your mind. How can we search for movies while trying to hold the curser perfectly still so we don't go into a photosensitive epileptic seizure? This is a sad day indeed. The movie I'm reminded of here is, What Dreams May Come, where everything is dripping paint and all blurry and makes no sense. I can't look!!
     On the practical side, I decided to send out a church-wide email this morning to announce an event that was coming up on the calendar. It was my first time using the church software for sending emails. After a few frustrating attempts to send the email by pushing the "Contact People" button with no results, I gave up. I could not find a "Send" button, nor was the program telling me my email had been successfully sent. I navigated over to my gmail account and lo and behold, five duplicate  announcements of the email I had composed were waiting for me in my inbox. Apparently that email did send... five times... to the entire church. This was my Charlie Brown moment where I could really feel for that poor little guy. I'll call this, What Have We Learned Charlie Brown.
     This morning's movie was Alfred Hitchcock's, The Birds. A girl pulled out in front of me on Route 220, cutting me off while I was going sixty miles per hour. I swerved to miss her and she stuck her arm out her window and gave me the finger. She gave me the finger. What's with that?!
     The grand finale to the week occurred in the supermarket where I went to do my weekly shopping. They were REARRANGING THE ENTIRE STORE. Aisles were completely empty, shelves were being taken apart, cookies were separated from crackers, items were relocated from aisle three to aisle ten, and nothing made any sense! Oh my gosh, I could feel myself begin to hyperventilate. I put on my calmest countenance and went along as though everything was perfectly normal. I smiled and nodded at my fellow shoppers. This was Stepford Wives and I was imaginably beautiful, poised, and seemingly normal. No one would know my inner turmoil.
     As I drove home from the market, I realized I might have gone a little bit overboard in the alcohol department. In my stress and anxiety I felt the need to prepare for something wonderful for the weekend. I bought white wine, ginger beer, and Bacardi pina colada mix and rum. I'm shooting for a movie title like, Under the Tuscan Sun or something wonderful like that. Claire and Daniel and the grandchildren are coming, so I think we're on the right track for living a good movie this weekend.


  1. I am so sorry you've had such a strange time of it. I hope things settle down soon. (I doubt that drinking all that alcohol at once would help, though.)

  2. Is Mercury in retrograde? Sounds like it! :)